So, I'm still doing well, feeling good. I had a heart scan this morning (muga test) to see how much chemo my heart can take, kind of weird with all these test and scan, the technician wears all this protective gear to handle the substances going in my body, directly into my veins... but what can I do. I'm getting pretty used to all the poking.
On Monday morning (5:30 am!) I will go on for an outpatient surgery to have a port put into my chest. Since I had so many lymph nodes removed, I can no longer have shots or blood draws from my left arm, which leaves me with one arm and poor veins in that arm. So the best option is to have a chemo port surgically installed in my chest. At first this freaked me out, but it makes sense, since I will have chemo for 6 months, then herceprin, a drug that specifically targets my kind of cancer for 1 year, it will make my life a lot easier to have a port.
I realized a new fear today though. I am afraid of looking sick. Right now, for the most part I look normal. I can pop in my fake boob and adjust my clothes, and I look normal to the out side world. And although I am as ready as I can be for chemo and the dreaded hair loss, I am not ready to look sick, or to have people notice that I am different. It's not just the wig, but the eyebrows and eyelashes, no matter how hard I fake it, something will look not quite right. And although I don't mind talking about it or sharing my story, it kind of brings the mood down when your at a party. I am hoping that this won't be a big deal and its just something my mind is obsessing over. And honestly, out of all the things that I have been freaking out over, this one seems like a normal problem.
1 comment:
I'm praying that everything goes well tomorrow morning and that God gives you a peace and that you feel his presence with you every step of the way.
Post a Comment