Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I'm doing ok

So it's been two weeks since my opherectomy and I'm nervous to say, so far so good. I have had some pain and soreness, but the menopause, not so bad, the first 2 times were worse (in my 20's because of endometriosis and during chemo) no depression, anxiety is no worse than it has been, I pretty much feel like I felt 2 weeks ago, so yeah I guess, one more hurdle crossed and I'm still standing!

Thursday, January 26, 2012


Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I like this.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Best day

Lunch, manicures, then a nap with my girls :) this mom is happy!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

what no one tells you...this may be graphic

Ok, so this is what no one tells you about having an oopherectomy, not that many people have them, but here it is. So my procedure was laparoscopic, meaning all done with small incisions as opposed to a large one, so have 4 tiny scars. Now with the mastectomy, most of my pain came from my incisions and drain tubes, so I was expecting the same kind of pain, but no, this pain is more closely compared to childbirth. I woke up to what felt like a contraction that would not go away, I was quickly given pain medication and felt better until it was time to stand up. Again, I had the flashbacks of childbirth, that after feeling like something has been ripped out of your insides. It's not there all the time, but it will hit you, when you move a certain way, or laugh, or breathe, you never know. Then there are the hormonal changes, which I have been waiting for since I learned that I would lose my ovaries. Now it's scientific, they take out the organ that makes estrogen and progesterone, so of course there has to be major side effects...well I'm still waiting. I kind of feel the same, maybe moodier because I am very tired, maybe being tired is another side effect- I am tired all the time even without the pain meds. I get sad, but I have been sad on and off since I was diagnosised. And the bleeding, nowhere, did any one warn me about the amount of bleeding. I take it back, when I left the hospital they said Ii would have light bleeding, so not true. Again it's like after childbirth bleeding, so, so far it's kind of like the worst period every, sore, moody, tired, sad, emotional, bloated...

Thursday, January 19, 2012

I feel...

sadder, and a little empty, and sore... Not even shopping made me feel better. I guess just time.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

My ovary liberation is complete

I am now a post menopausal woman. Everything went well, all done laparoscopially can go home, nothing alarming or unexpected, kept my uterus (yeah) thanks for all the good thought and prayers. Tired, drugged, and ready to go home :-)

To clarify, my uterus stayed in body, not like in a jar on my nightstand!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


<p>So another surgery tomorrow... I will have my ovaries removed. Now I have know that the was happening for several months, but now that it's here, I'm terrified. I have been putting off thinking about it, but driving home from work today, I totally panicked, like balling in the car, unable to breathe panic. So I called my friend (poor anna) just sobbing, poor thing probably thought the worst, so after I assured her that my health was fine I unloaded on her my every emotion and fear and frustration. I just feel like I have given and have to give up so much, I mean I am literally losing everything that makes me a women, and honestly, at 33, it's just a lot to realize. Of course i am greatly for life and all I have and I will do everything I need to to ensure and maintain complete remission, but sometimes it's just too much. Even with a great support system and for a great treatment team, it's a lot.

Monday, January 16, 2012

At work

First time at work, and really in public, with no hat, no scarf, just my own hair! Not too bad.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Wow, so the holidays came and went, I can't believe that they're over and its 2012! I really feel like I kind of lost a whole year. I am happy to move on to a new year, but scared too. Last year I was sure 2011 would be a great year, my mom would be entering the year cancer free, my parents had just bought a home 2 miles away, kids were great, it was going to be a great year, then in February I found a lump, just 2 months into the new year... So now I'm a little scared to be optimistic and hopeful, because just when you think everything is OK and no more bad can come, it can. So as ready as I am for a good year, I will enter it cautiously and try to resolve to appreciate my children everyday (auto correct suggested I appreciate my parents, hair, and house...) attitudes, temper tantrums and all, and to be grateful for the amazing support system I have.