I know a lot of people have thought that I have been a debbie downer lately, very sad and emotional, and I admit that I have had a difficult week, and although I am feeling a lot better, let me explain.
Last Friday, when my bad week began, my sister in law came over and she said something that summarizes exactly how I felt. She said that the world is still spinning although everything for me has come to a standstill.
And that is it, that's how I feel. I feel like everyone is on a merry go round and I have been thrown off, my life literally stopped. It became doctors appointment and cat scans and surgeries and pain meds and anxiety meds... and all in a matter of days.
And all I can do is watch everyone else go on with life, which they should, but its indescribable, not knowing what my future was going to look like, not knowing what to tell my girls, not wanting to scare my family.
And its easy to say focus on today or on the positive, but its hard when you realize that your in your early 30's and you want more than just five, ten, even twenty years. And as hard as you try, you see your kids and you think about what the future is going to look like.
So that is why I cry and I have bad days. And knowing more about my body and my scans and my overall health, I feel much better, my future looks much better, and that is why I love my oncologist, she gave me answers and knowledge. I'm going very aggressive, but I'm doing this because I want to be around for a long, long time. So yes, its going to be a tough fight, but I have the greatest support system in the world. Thank you all!
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