Thursday, September 24, 2015
Monday, August 24, 2015
Thursday, June 4, 2015
So, life continues to be rough. Working on a marriage while facing stage 4 is not easy by any means. Sometimes I think it would be easier on my own, then I think of my kids, and they deserve so much more than what they will have to face, and I realize that their happiness is worth all my effort, our efforts into my marriage.
So we try. My husband planned a great family vacation to Yosemite and Tahoe for us. I actually was not sure that I wanted to go, but we talked about it and here we are, and we have had a really good time, and my kids are happy. And I picked up a new love for, of all things, water coloring... who new!
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Saturday, March 9, 2013
So, I have looked more like me for a while. My hair had grown back, my scars have healed (and are mostly hidden), I no longer look like I had cancer. But when I looked in the mirror, all I would see was my bad hair. My ugly post cancer, post chemo hair.
I have said it before, for me, the worst part of cancer treatment was losing my hair. It was more traumatizing than losing by breasts or my ovaries. And as grateful as I have been for more longer being bald, my hair was awful. It was frizzy and coarse. I have been pulling it back into a tiny bobby pined ponytail for weeks because it has been so unmanageable.
But that all changed on Tuesday when my mom offered to help me pay for a Brazillian blowout. Now my hair looks and feels beautiful and healthy. Even my husband noticed. My daughter said I look like I did before. I now look in the mirror, I see me, the old, undamaged me but with a new appreciation of life.
Monday, March 4, 2013
What I find though is that people say, "Wow, two years, that has flown by!" But not to me, for me it has been a long 2 years. I have described it like rowing in the mud. I know that I am moving forward, but slowly. And I think it is because when you have cancer, you want to get to that 5 year mark. That magical 5 years cancer free, when your "chance for survival "goes up. Then there is also the fact that you want to hold on to each day, because no one is guaranteed another one. I just can't wait to be a seventy year old lady with my grandchildren around me and years of memories...
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Two years ago today, I didn't know there was a time bomb inside of me.
I didn't know the world of anti anxiety medication, monthly blood draws, and multiple surgeries.
I have trying to keep busy and not pay attention to the fact that tomorrow is "cancerversary" but it looms in the corner. Flashbacks. Sadness. Fear.