So I've been having trouble sleeping, again, I am tired all day but can't seem to fall asleep at night. Racing thoughts of things I have to do, things I want to do, things I should do... And I'm trying not to take the anxiety pills daily, and really I don't think they are working that well anymore, so here I am at 12:30 and one of the things on my to do list was to check in on my blog.
So here is a picture of me, I realize that I have not put one up in a while. Keep in mind it is midnight and I have no make up on, as you can see my hair is growing. It's actually pretty awful. I have read post chemo hair described as fluff on a baby chick... New fine baby hair... And cute as it sounds, it is like having a cotton ball on your head, a fluffy, no body, all texture mess. Right now it's not as bad as it usually is, I've been trying an array of concoctions to tame it. Everything from frizz ease, to gel, to pomade, to fabric softener... Tonight I tried baby oil and so far it is working the best, but I'll have to wait and see in the morning.
I am excited that in just over a week we will make our own return to Lake Powell!
Tonight coming home from dinner with my mom, we were talking about the day I was diagnosed and, the feeling never goes away. She said that with her cancer, she knew. She had the lump for nearly a year, she felt it get bigger and change. When the doctor told her it was cancer, she already knew. But for be, it was a complete shock, for all of us. And that shock is still with me today. I don't think it goes away.