My Good Friday

So, a while ago, I think before I was diagnosised, we (myself, husband, sister, brother, and sister-in-law) had bought concert tickets to see Mumford and Sons. Now, since my diagnosis, their song "The Cave" has become an anthem for me, so despite feeling really sick and tired, I really wanted to go to this concert. So we bundled up, packed up some folding chairs and blankets and headed out to San Pedro. And the whole time I was questioning my decision.

I have been feeling awful, weak, nauseous. On average i am losing 10 lbs from chemo Monday to chemo Friday( worry not, I gain it back in a week)but it is a rough week. So there I am bundled up at a concert, everyone around me laughing, dancing, eating, drinking, and having fun. Then the band starts, and my self pity sets in.

The why me's, I am overcome with this sense of sadness and loneliness, and I realized that I am having my Good Friday moment, not at all that I am comparing myself with Jesus, but I did feel the sense of "why have You forsaken me..." Here I am, 33 facing stage 3 cancer, and I was consumed with sadness. Then I listened to the lyrics of the song playing, a song entitled "Timshel" they are as follows:

Cold is the water
It freezes your already cold mind
Already cold, cold mind
And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

And you are the mother
The mother of your baby child
The one to whom you gave life
And you have your choices
And these are what make man great
His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand
And I will tell the night
Whisper, "Lose your sight"
But I can't move the mountains for you