New and improved infusion center!

So my unnamed treatment center just got an updated oncology and infusion center and it is so nice. Too bad it couldn't have been completed while I was having 4 hour treatments. But I will happily enjoy the buttery leather recliners with attached flat screen tv/dvd/computers and all the light from the walls of windows which overlook the duck pond, every 3 weeks for the next nine months! (I still have Herceptin infusions)

Me, a natural, not a pretty sight

So this is the me I see everyday. I kinda look like a balding man with no eyebrows. I don't even remember what it was like to have hair, I don't remember what I was like before cancer. What were my fears? My goals? How nice it was to not have to worry about dying. I'm not trying to sound morbid or depressed, but I took for granted my youth and health. And I feel like that Mumford and Son's song that I really like, it says "death is at your door step, and it will take your innocence but it will not steal your substance. " Now I realize the death was not at my doorstep, but it did enter my line in sight. And it took my innocence, but not my substance. And I will figure out who I am now. What I know is that I am a mother and a survivor.

Thank You Santa Barbara

Here are my pics from the Avon Walk, thank you all for you support!

click here

Avon walk day 2

I got my first survivor button thanks to my bro and sister in law. Also received my first survivor shirt!

The weekend was emotional, inspirational, challenging, exhausting, and rewarding! Cant wait to do it again next year.

And thank you to my brother and sister-in-law who crewed and camped with me!

Avon walk day 1

Tired. Day started at 5am. I was out on the route today and met a lot of great people and heard some amazing stories. I have hugged so many stranger, survivor sisters! Can't wait till tomorrow and some sleep!

Day 0 (because it's a 2 day walk)

So we made it to Santa Barbara, Refugio actually. The walk starts tomorrow, so day 1 will be tomorrow. After a flat tire, we finally made it to registration a little late, but we made it. We are staying the night a Refugio state beach, where my husband and parents will stay the weekend with the kids. Tomorrow we have to start early 5ish... But tonight we're enjoying the campfire!

Santa Barbara Here We Come!

So tomorrow we leave for the Avon Walk in Santa Barbara, although we are not walkers, we are part of the crew that helps make it all possible, or so they tell us. All in all, it is a great experience, I cannot believe that last year I was listening to the stories of amazing women who never expected to be diagnosed, and they were there now, as survivors. I never, ever imagined that I would be back a year later, one breast lighter, bald, 16 rounds of chemo in me, preparing for radiation, but like them now, a survivor! Really, you NEVER know what life is going to throw at you, what a year will bring, but that is why events like this are so important. I was reminded by a doctor this week that if I would have been diagnosed with my cancer 5 years ago, I would not be here today because there was no medicine to slow it down. I am literally alive right now because of a medicine that was invented and approved within the past 5 years, Herceptin. More research still needs to be done because I need at least another 40 years. To donate to the Avon Walk you can click here, or women can sign up through Army of Women, an organization constantly looking for women to participate new research studies, (both with a history of breast cancer and without).

Thank you, and I can't wait to share pictures of the event with you all!

Sometimes at night

Sometimes at night, I cry, and I still can not believe that this is really happening to me.

Just found this at the bottom of the page under daily psalm
"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."
Amazing!!!

Hair and bathroom updates

First off I have to acknowledge that today is September 11th and take a moment to remember all we lost and hope that we can all remember how united we were as people, as communities, as a nation, and hope that with this 10 year anniversary we can once again share that kindness and compassion.

Secondly, here is my latest hair and bathroom updates. So now that chemo is over, I bit the bullet and forked over the money for Ovations hair cell therapy. Now I know my hair will grow regardless, but if there is something to help it along, why not try it... So I have posted mt latest hair pic showing a really ugly stage of hair growth and I guess we'll see...

Now the bathroom, my nightmare, if I knew it would take over 2 months I would have left it alone. As you can see, it's slowly coming together, but next time I will take on a project that I can complete myself, start to finish.

LA County Fair

Our family made our annual trek to the LA County Fair. We saw the animals and expos, and are bbq corn, and drank chocolate milk. Same as every year for as long as I can remember... I hope for at least another 33 years of fairs.

Chemo All Done!

Now on to radiation...

Last chemo, God willing

6 months later...

So it has been six months since my mastectomy, and although I am in a much better place, I am still scared a lot of the time. And now, as I am getting closer to getting back on to that merry-go-round of life, I am scared to go back to the everyday, to move on and be "normal" As much as Ii miss it, Ii am nervous, I need naps! And I guess with the kids back at school and schedules resuming, sports, ccd, boy scouts... I'm slowly assimilating myself back into the real world. I guess I am getting ahead of myself, Ii still have 1 chemo and 5-6 weeks of radiation, but there is finally an end in sight, kind of...

And 6 months healed, no longer sexy or even useful, but now a symbol of strength...

Quotes from this week's chemo card

So like I have mentioned, every chemo day my sister sends me off with a card. This week's was full of great quotes:
"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing Light of your own being" Hafiz

"turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you" Maori proverb

"your work now is to find your fire and rekindle it- and then to let it burn bright" oprah Winfrey

"there is a light in this world, a healing spirit more powerful than any darkness we may encounter. We sometimes lose sight of this force when there is suffering, and too much pain. Then suddenly the Spirit will emerge through the lives of ordinary people who hear a call and answer in extraordinary ways. " Mother Teresa

Some time after midnight

So it's late and it was a chemo Wednesday (yea, after only 1 left!). And I'm exhausted, but my mind won't stop! I have taken 2 anti anxiety pills and still no rest for my wondering mind. I am now equally excited and terrified to stop the chemo. All of a sudden I have soreness and pains throughout my body, my foot, my ankle, my knee, and my armpit, my neck... the list goes on and on. And I think it is all in my head because it only last a moment, but my thoughts can't stop and I'm so tired and I have to get up early tomorrow to take the kids to school... Oh, and and those darn hot flashes, still driving me crazy. I have tried to meditate but it just makes me anxious right now, I've tried praying, and kind of help, but I'm still awake!