Tired and a little sad

I think with my hectic week last week and the difficulty I am having sleeping due to those darn hot flashes, I have been feeling really tired, and a little down. I think part of it might also have to due with the fact that I only have 2 chemos left. The I know it sounds weird, but with the chemo I feel like I'm actively fighting the cancer, and I know the radiation will also do that, but then what, my body will be left on its own to fight... That's a scary thought for me, and probably for anyone who has ever had cancer. So I've kinda been feeling drained, physically and emotionally. I could use a nap, but my husband is out of town for a work thing, so it's just me all week... Early bedtime for all!

A mom update, with each craziness of last week I forgot to mention that my mom started her reconstruction last week! Last Wednesday, while I was at chemo she was having expanders put in. I think she will go in weekly for 4-6 months to have them slowly filled until her body is ready for implants. Like I have mentioned , its more that just a boob job because there is no breast tissue and so much skin was removed. But she is very excited to have the process started.

The Doctor's

So last Friday I received a call from the producers of the show, The Doctor's stating that they were interested in sharing my journey with breast cancer, now, like with this blog, despite not being happy with the way I look right now, and definitely not camera ready, this is real, and this is what cancer looks like for me, whether I like it or not, this is me, so of course I said yes to being on the show. I want others to know, to feel what it is like living with breast cancer without having to have it themselves. And it’s definitely not pretty and not easy, but I do it, and I live it, and I go on. And some days are good, some are bad, I still think about cancer a majority of my day, but I am okay.

A plus was that I got my hair and make-up done, I got to sit down with Jillian Michaels, super sweet, and get some information from the doctor's. I am not sure when the show will air, but I think it is in October, I will post it when I know. So that was my week, along with the fact the kids started school on Tuesday, first and sixth grades! And I had chemo on Wednesday, only 2 left!!

Got my hair and make up done.

Will explain more later...

The card my sister made me...

I love it!

Side effect rears its ugly head

So just as I'm feeling good, no more nausea, little fatigue, I start to notice that I am losing some feeling in my feet. The doctor had warned me that neuropathy or numbness in the hands and feet is a common side effect of each chemo I am on, and so far it hadn't lost any sensation, but I kind of started to notice yesterday that my feet feel like they are falling asleep. I can still feel them and I can move my toes and all, the but I have that pins and needles feeling and I have 3 chemo left. I am hoping that this is as bad as it will get, but it's a weird constant sensation, and we'll see, and honestly I would take numb feet over the terrible nausea and fatigue. And I'll take it all to kill every last cancer cell.

Concerts at the park

Most of the summer we have spent Sunday evenings at the park enjong the free concerts. For the past 3 years we have been doing this, and since my entire family now lives in Glendora, it's easy to do. So last night was the last concert of the season and we had a relatively small group, just me and the girls and my parents. We had fun though, picnicking on the grass listening to the music, it was a great way to end summer. tomorrow, the first day of school!

I make cancer look easy!

So yea, after a couple of weeks of vacations I was able to get back to the gym today and take a yoga class. My regular instructor was out today, but it turned out that our sub was a cancer survivor (lymphoma). She teaches a Monday morning class that I may also start taking.

Like I have mentioned, between the steroids, slower metabolism, and menopause, I am very much struggling with my body image and the weight gain, and the moon face... So a work out this morning defiantly helps me feel like I can have some control.

But despite all that, but my cousin Eileen gave me a compliant that I very much appreciated, she said that I make cancer look easy, which I love because I have cancer, cancer does not have me.

Refugio

So we are on day 4 of a 5 day getaway on the coast of Santa Barbara. I made some homemade marshmallows and grahm crackers so we enjoyed those friday night. Saturday I went on a very tiny bike ride. On Sunday I went out on the kayak, it was nice, we got to see a seal up close. Yesterday we spent the afternoon I was Solvang. The weather today is great, clear and sunny. We head back home sometime tomorrow. Hoping to take the long way through the 126 (I think) and stop by some fruit stands. Get home in time for chemo thursday this week, I then after this week only 3 chemo left!

Bathroom and hair updates

So,  a lot of people have been asking about how the bathroom is coming along. Well, it's kind of been at a stand still, with parties and vacations scheduled we have not had a weekend to really get some work done. It's pretty much gutted and the shower walls are ready to be tiled, and it's just a matter of having time to do the work. We're off to Refugio state beach to go camping for a week, it so this weekend is out maybe next weekend we can get some tile work done.

I've also include a pic of my hair, still not a lot, but it's definitely growing in!

114 at night!

So it's been a few hot days in Arizona. But it was great to be out in the water. Yesterday we were coming back in from an afternoon out on the lake, and I took my scarf off and let the wind below on my head and I closed my eyes and listened to my favorite mumford song at the moment, timeshel (sung here by Kina Grannis), and held my girls hands and all was well in the world.

Our mini getaway

Since Lake Powell wasn't in the cards this summer we are taking a mini vacay to Lake Havasu. We are staying in a nice vacation rental, making good use of their air! Hoping to get out onto the water tomorrow, and but for tonight, and just bbq by the pool. Head home on Monday? I think...