Hot flashes

Really, I how many 33 year olds can say they have been through menopause twice? I can! First time about 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I was but on medication that put me into menopause for about 6 months. It was bad because it was instant. I went from being a normal 22 year old, to having no hormone production.

At least this time it has been more slowly, more like "natural" menopause. It's a side effect of the chemo. And since I will have my ovaries removed at the end of treatment, this will be my last bought with menopause. So now I'm in the heart of it, with nightly hot flashes that start in the core of your spine and heat you through. At least I have no hair this time, it keeps me a little cooler. Oh well, and at least I'm not nauseous all the time...

My pretty card

to view my Avon Walk page click here

"moon face"

Part of my chemo regime includes getting iv steroids to help with side effects from chemo, and I am grateful because I feel great, but there are some side effects that are driving me crazy, but like the weight gain, no matter what I do, I am gaining weight, and along with that comes moon face... a side effect where my face swells, and I guess as I am researching, I am learning that it is a common side effect of the steroids I am on. But it's bad enough to be bald, but bald with moon face is awful, I mean I have never had a thin face, but I now have like 4 chins... I guess the good thing is that, like everything else, it's only temporary. I am also having a hard time sleeping, but I do have a lot more energy.

Changes

Some changes at home, my 3 year old took scissors to her hair, and so she got a Dora inspired haircut today. I and my 6 year old lost her top tooth today!

Relaxing

So I finally made it out to a yoga class and it felt great! Very relaxing. Now we're taking some time to test the boat. No lake Powell this year, and but a few days in havasu later this month. I have been boating for nearly 25 years and for the most part its always relaxing, and with the exception of a few great Powell stories...

Avon Walk for Breast Cancer

As some of you know, last year to celebrate my mom's completion of treatment, my mom, sister, sister-in-law and I all participated as crew for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, a 2 day event in Santa Barbara. I was so moved by the event that Ii signed up to participate in this year’s event before the weekend was over. Little did I know that only a few months later I would be diagnosed with breast cancer. I was not sure if I would be able to participate due to my treatments, but I feel great, so I have decided to follow through with my commitment and crew again. I have been in touch with the volunteer director and she is aware of my treatment and is more than willing to accommodate any needs I may have. I am very excited to be able to once again help such a great cause, and as I realize now more than ever how important research is in finding a cure and preventative medicine to stop this disease before it begins.

So now comes my plea, I have set a fundraising goal of $1000, but will take whatever I can get. Please visit my fundraising page by clicking here and please forward either this blog or the link to anyone you know that may want to donate.

Thank You!!!

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My happy place

Sitting, waiting for chemo, looking at pictures of my water baby and my sand baby, thinking to myself... I'm doing ok, I don't cry as often, I'm not as sad, I can see my future, and I just feel better than I did a few months ago. I am beginning to feel like me again.

My new suit

I don't know if I've mentioned my new bathing suit, but the last few times we have been out somewhere in suits, like Vegas, I have felt very uncomfortable. It's bad enough being bald at a pool, then add having to worry about a fake boob falling out. So a few weeks ago my mom and I were walking through nordies when a bathing suit caught my eye. Now, I have not bought a new bathing suit in like 3-4 years, and I would never pay Nordstrom prices for one, but, Nordstrom sews in a pocket for my fake boob free of charge, and that's a big deal when your worried about your boob falling out. So back to the bathing suit, so I hate bathing suits, all bathing suits, they never look good, but I tried it on, and low and behold, it wasn't bad, not good, but not bad... and the weird blue patch over the left side of the bathing suit actually helps to camouflage my fake boob! So I bit the bullet and spent like 2 weeks allowance on a new bathing suit.

Staying cool at the library

And happy birthday Susie! Yes, we are terrible friends meeting up, on your birthday, and forgetting it's your birthday! We love you though! And eventually we did remember...

Towanda!

A Fried Green Tomato reference... so I have decided to remodel our bathroom. I started last week tearing out the floors, two layers of linoleum later, I now have my husband on board. We're still demolishing, so I apologize in advanced to anyone who will be visiting, my timing is kind of bad... but hopefully soon we will have a nice new bathroom! But my husband is right, I can only do so much, then the rest falls in him, but I am trying and working hard. And it keeps me busy.

Sprouts

Not a lot, but I have sprouts of hair growing! Kind of a 5 o'clock shadow look. Of course I won't go out in public with it, but nice to see it growing back. What you can't see is that my eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning, in the pic I filled them both in. Like I've mentioned before my current chemo regimen causes hair thinning, so that is why I am getting some hair growth.

BRCA2

There are 2 gene mutations that they can look for to see if one carries the "breast cancer gene" brca1 and brca2. Being that I was under 45 at age of onset, it was suggested that I be tested. This was done months ago, before I started chemo, and I got the results 4 days later.

There are 3 possible outcomes to the test- negative, meaning one does not carry the gene; positive, meaning one carries a gene that increases the likelihood that one will get breast and/or other cancers; and maybe, meaning something is just not quite right. It was described to me like spell check, say the gene is represented by the word city, if one is negative for the gene, it would show up correctly, city- no breast cancer gene. If one is positive for the gene, meaning they are at a higher risk for cancer, the gene shows up like xzbh, completely unrecognizable. A maybe shows up like, sidy, you can figure out what it is supposed to be, but its not quite right.

In my case, I tested maybe, and statistically most people with my specific mutation do not get cancer, and in fact have a lower rate of cancer (based on stats from the lab that does all the testing in North America) but, since I have cancer, I am being treated as a positive gene.

What this means, like I have mentioned, at the end of treatment, I will have my right breast removed along with my ovaries and possibly uterus and cervix. It also means my siblings and children are at risk.

My sister was the first to be tested and tested negative. She does NOT have a cancer gene! So now my brother will be tested and my mom has also requested the test. At 18 my daughters can be tested, and hopefully by then there will be a vaccine or some type of medicine should they also have the gene. But being a maybe is defiantly better then being positive for the gene.

Children are a gift...

and we are blessed by each one.

Palm Springs

Short get away, eating breakfast with my girls. Already very hot! Spent yesterday at the spa, had a soak in healing mineral tub and detoxifying mud scrub. Had a great dinner poolside.

Happy Birthday Anna!

Post surgery March 2011
Vegas, October 1999.
Love you girl!

(in Vegas pic from l to r Nichole, Anna, me, Kathy)

I strange realization

I've noticed recently that I always have a runny, but dry nose. I thought it was the weather, but then I realized that I've lost my nose hair! My eyebrows and eyelashes have been thinning, but I never really look at my nose hair... so who knew, nose hairs do serve a purpose.

Happy 4th!

Getting ready to tailgate at the Angeles game. Hopefully it's not too hot.

I'm feeling good, a little tired, I've been having a hard time falling asleep, last night I felt a little sad, again, just stuck thinking of how different I am and will be physically, which I know is minor in the whole scheme of things, but when I really think about reconstruction, and the fact that I won't have any feeling or sensation over the entire breast, its not just a boob job, I don't know, its's a long way off, but there's always something...

But for today, I get to spend time with family, eating good food, (ribs and lobster tails!) and enjoying life.

My little swimmers

My chemo treats

Every time I have a chemo appt there are 2 treats that I know I will always get. The first is a tradition my sister started with my mom, and that is to write a short note of encouragement and slip it in her purse before chemo to have something positive to read. Now it's my turn, and every chemo I look forward to read the card she picked out. (fyi trader does has a great selection of encouragement cards).

My second treat is a spin on something we did for my mom that my co workers were aware of and now do it for me. So after every chemo I get a beaded bracelet.

6 down, 10 to go. Seems like a lot, but the first 4 equal the same about of weeks as the last 12, so over half way done with chemo!