I know, it's been a while

So its been a while... The kids have been in school for 3 weeks now, work is work and everything is as it's supposed to be. But today I was picking up my husband from the airport and I drove by the hospital where I received radiation and I got all choked up. A year ago I was driving there daily. And I feel so much better and I look so much better (despite my frizzy hair) and in my head I am the same person I was before cancer and then I remember everything I went through, and I still can't believe that it happened to me.

Back to Powell

Does this mean things are back to normal? We made it back to Lake Powell this year after a 2 year hiatus. In spite on the storms, both wind and sand, it was a great trip. Just to be in the water with the views of Glen Canyon, we were back. I loved it, watching my kids play in the sand and water all day, sleeping in bathing suits, napping on a boat ride... I can't wait till next year.

Me at midnight

So I've been having trouble sleeping, again, I am tired all day but can't seem to fall asleep at night. Racing thoughts of things I have to do, things I want to do, things I should do... And I'm trying not to take the anxiety pills daily, and really I don't think they are working that well anymore, so here I am at 12:30 and one of the things on my to do list was to check in on my blog.

So here is a picture of me, I realize that I have not put one up in a while. Keep in mind it is midnight and I have no make up on, as you can see my hair is growing. It's actually pretty awful. I have read post chemo hair described as fluff on a baby chick... New fine baby hair... And cute as it sounds, it is like having a cotton ball on your head, a fluffy, no body, all texture mess. Right now it's not as bad as it usually is, I've been trying an array of concoctions to tame it. Everything from frizz ease, to gel, to pomade, to fabric softener... Tonight I tried baby oil and so far it is working the best, but I'll have to wait and see in the morning.

I am excited that in just over a week we will make our own return to Lake Powell!

Tonight coming home from dinner with my mom, we were talking about the day I was diagnosed and, the feeling never goes away. She said that with her cancer, she knew. She had the lump for nearly a year, she felt it get bigger and change. When the doctor told her it was cancer, she already knew. But for be, it was a complete shock, for all of us. And that shock is still with me today. I don't think it goes away.

Refuge in refugio

http://instagr.am/p/MzqMtdCGFB/
Shadows on the tent

So we made it home from vacation #1 refugio state beach near Santa Barbara . It was nice and peaceful. We camped out near the beach, rode the bikes, took the kayaks out, made smores... Relaxed family time. And it was cold! It's been in the 90's here in the LA area, but low 70's where we were.

But now we're home dealing with unpacking and laundry... Ugh...

Swim lessons

http://instagr.am/p/MclM7QiGAH/

Summer

http://instagr.am/p/MR0iZ4iGHO/

I know I've been MIA for a few weeks... Summer vacation has begun and I've been trying to keep the kids busy... So far awin classes, gymnastics, and a few movies. My cousin got married a few weeks ago and I had a really good time celebrating with my cousins. I'm really excited for summer get aways! Next Thursday we leave for refugio state beach, up neat santa barbara, then 2 weeks later we'll make our long awaited return to Lake Powell! Yea! I CAN'T WAIT! Then it's back to school (short summer this year :-(). My hair growing bit by bit, my boobs are as hard as ever, and I'm as comfortable in a bathing suit as I'll ever be, so let the vacations begin!

The true blessing...

is having a mom who gets it. Like really been there gets it.

The tears of "I can't believe it's over"... "I can't believe it happened to me. "

Last infusion... Hopefully ever.

So today was my last infusion. I had finished chemo nearly 6 months ago, but had to continue herceptin infusions for another 6 months, through radiation and surgeries... it has been my reassurance, knowing that there was something helping me fight cancer, and now it's just me... and that is terrifying! It's bittersweet. My treatment is officially over, but my team, my infusions nurses, they are like family, they have seen me through it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And really they have been with me since my mom's diagnosis and treatment, and they were just as shocked as everyone to see me receiving treatment a year later. I will continue to see my oncologist regularly probably forever. But today is a beautiful day, last day of school for the kids, a new beginning...

My mullet

So, of course I am incredibly grateful to have hair again, but I hate my hair. I hate this growing out phase. And my sister-in-law had warned me that I would get a carol Brady mullet, and I totally did, although it looked more like Mario Lopez circa saved by the bell. So as much as I was trying not to, I had to cut my hair today, or at least cut the curly mullet off. I guess part of me was hoping that a hair cut would fix everything, and that I would look great, but my hair pretty much looks the same, but with no mullet. I would post a picture, but I don't like the way I look right now. Maybe in a couple of days. At least I no longer look like a boy from the nineties!

Our last minute trip...

To San Francisco! For the first time since we had the girls, my husband and I took a trip with no kids! We indulged in oysters, and pasta, and crab, and alcohol... We left early Saturday morning and, are home yesterday afternoon. Hopefully our next trip will be a bit longer, but it was nice to get away.