So, I know I usually write multiple times daily and yesterday I took the day off. I've actually had a couple of really difficult days, I feel fine, I am the same, but emotionally I was not doing well. I had an interesting comment made by someone near my treatment team, that, well made me feel like crap and got me down. I was actually advised to stop researching and trust in my medical team. Don't get me wrong, I completely trust my medical team led by a hand picked oncologist, but I need to research, its how I cope. I learn as much as i can so that I can understand.
Then while at brunch I overheard a group of girlfriends discussing their babies and husbands, and planning their birthday weekend at the spa and i was so jealous because I am not able to think that way right now. Right now, I do my best to just think about today so that I do not get overwhelmed, and I just felt like telling them, please enjoy this time, because you don't know when bad news is going to shake your world in a way that it will never be the same.
Then in an effort to feel "normal" I went out to a birthday dinner for a friend and found myself crying and praying in the bathroom. I eventually pulled myself together, and reminded myself that a week ago I was in the hospital, and know I am healed enough to be enjoying a night out. After dinner there was some karaoke and some Mana (oye mi amor) surprising lifted my spirits.
So in efforts to get out of my funk, I began to research aspects of my diagnosis. One thing we know is that I am HER2 positive. This used to be a not so good thing, but recent medical advances have changed this. Thanks to a website, and awesome group of women, I am feeling better. I have on online support of women who have gone through exactly what I will be going through, and I know I have my mom, but I worry about causing her stress and we have different cancers, and our treatments will be, although similar, different. Prayer and positive affirmations have also helped greatly.
I think I have mentioned that a dear friend had given me a prayer card while I was in the hospital. It was for Our Lady of Lourdes. I think she just happened to have it in her purse. I had know nothing about Our Lady of Lourdes, but the the prayer has brought me so much comfort. Then, when I went into work on Thursday, (I had a doctor's appointment and I work in the hospital, so I wasn't working, just visiting), a co-worker and friend gave me holy water from Lourdes! So, this weekend I did some research on Our Lady of Lourdes and discovered that she "obtained cures for infirmities through her son, Jesus our Lord." I had no idea, I just liked the prayer and it was bringing be peace. Anyway, in my research I found a website run out of Lourdes, France where prayer request can be made. I am attaching it to this blog along with my HER2 support site and a site for the Carmelite Sisters on Los Angeles, on one of my down days, I went to Santa Teresita and found comfort in the church, the sisters also take online prayer request.
http://www.lourdes-france.org/index.php?contexte=en&id=499
http://her2support.org/
http://carmelitesistersocd.com/Requests/
1 comment:
Once upon a time, in my quest to become pregnant, I saw this healer-Judith. She worked out of my chiropractor's office in Pasadena. Anyway, when I first met her, she knew nothing about me but my name, which was on her schedule. Well, Judith was delighted with my name because she had never met anyone with the name Lourdes. All she knew was the town in France and Our Lady of Lourdes. So when I walk in to her office she proceeds to tell me how she did some research about "Lourdes". In so doing, she came across some "research" that had been done with water. Water, which was somehow crystalized. There was water from all over the world. Water from nowhere special which yielded some pretty basic crystals. Water from places where horrific events had occured which yielded ugly, muddy, dull crystals. And then there was the HOLY water taken from Lourdes, France. Low and behold, those crystals were the most magnificent crystals you could imagine!!!! I wish I had those images for you. Judith wanted me to take them with me, but somehow, I left them behind. She has since passed... Keep praying girlfriend. Will continue to do the same for you.
P.S. That internal instinct to heal thyself is called your WARRIOR SPIRIT. If you listen to it, it will guide you to exactly that which will heal you....
Learned that in Pasadena too :)
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