A different me

So what I did not write about yesterday was about when my surgeon came in and checked my incision. I saw it. I saw me. Now I did not check it out, I could barely glaze down, but I got a glimpses of it.

Now when I was discharged, I got dressed, I had bought a new shirt pulled on some jeans, I felt I looked ok, good in fact, but when I got home I just felt tired and uncomfortable, so I changed into some pj's. Now this is when I began to struggle with my body image. When I had left the hospital I had put in my boob padding, at home while I'm pj's I thought I could take the pad off, but it looked so akward. Uneven and sad. So I put the padding back in and it helped. To go to bed I took off the pajama top and just slept in my cami with the padding in and I felt pretty normal.

Now today I took a shower, and I looked at it. My new body. And its crazy to think that just a few nights ago I was taking pictures of my boob, and now they are different. It's kind of swollen and sunken in at the same time. It weird to be so flat just on one side. And you know how they say that big boob make your waist look smaller, one big boob and no boob just make everything look weird. But I got dressed I am clean and this is just another part of the process.

To go to bed last night I said the prayer to our lady of lourdes, which has been bringing me much peace at night and listened to my music and slept very peacefully. I had this feeling that this path, I am no longer calling it a struggle, is going to lead to something greater than I can envision at this time. I think I will do something great. Not sure what it is but I am excited for my future.