I will go on

So as quietly as this journey began, in a radiology room, today it came to an end in a radiology room. I am now done with all of my aggressive treatment. I have been cut open and pulled apart, mutilated and poisoned, bruised and burned, and the cancer was destroyed, and I am here and I am still strong. I have battle wounds and dark memories, but I still have hope. And my mind still drifts to dark places and I think I will be scared for a long time, but I will always have faith.

It's a really weird realization that it's done. I said good-bye to my techs, who have been by my side, everyday for this last part of my fight, and good-bye to my comrades in the waiting room, (we have seen each other daily for weeks now) and the receptionist, who know us all by name, handed me my "diploma" recognizing the end of this road, I couldn't help but cry. I was sad that I went alone and had no one to share my multitude of emotions with, but in a way it was very fitting.

Then I came home and the house was still a mess, I still had to pick up the kids from school, and go to parent teacher conferences, and gymnastics, and homework, and scouts... and life goes on.

I ended my first post with "This is my journey and it will be led by God, my family, my friends. I will have bad days, it will be hard. It is the fight for my life, and I will win!" And now I know the journey is never over, it is what keeps us going, and you win the moment you chose to fight, and yes, it is hard, and yes there are many bad days, but there are many good days, and days that you don't cry, and although you never forget that you have had cancer, you realized the you have gained more than you have lost. And when you make it out you are called a survivor.

My husband asked if this means the end of the blog and I said no. I have told this blog my secrets, my fears, my happiness, my memories. And I still have 8 months of herceptin, and I got in to a blind trial to test a medication that may help me stay in remission till the 5 year mark... so I will go on...