Happy Birthday Linda

It's my sister's birthday today and I am feeling great. Well enough to make her dinner.

Feeling good

I started my new drug regimin today, and I am happy to report that 12 hours later I am feeling good. With the last regimin of (AC) right now I would be throwing up with a massive headache and the feeling of a metal rod in my sinus cavity, but not tonight. So far, so good. I may still have some fatigue for the next few days, and mid cycle, (in about 6 weeks) I may start to lose some feelings in my fingertips and toes, but that should only be temporary. I feel the prayers and positive thoughts working!

Taxol and herceptin

Tomorrow I start my next chemo regimen. It will be weekly for 12 weeks. The side effects should be milder, so that is good news. But since tomorrow is my first does, chemo will take 6-8 hours! They have to infuse very slowly to make sure I am not allergic to the medication. That's like a whole workday!

Otherwise things are going well. The kids have been taking swimming lessons, so that gets us out of the house. Friday is my sister's birthday. Not much else going on.

Strong and liberated

That is how I am feeling. Like usual, I have had several moments over the past few weeks when i feel sad and overwhelmed, but tonight in the shower I accepted my bald head. Although I would never intentionally  have shaved my head for any other reason (except for my children) it really takes a lot of strength and courage to lose all your hair, and I know that me and my cancer sisters do not choose this path, we do choose how we live it. How we learn from it. And tonight, I am ok. I am healthy, for the most part, I have a wonderful family, loyal and amazing friends- both new and old, and it might be my imagination, but I think I have like 100 hairs that have grown like 1/4 inch!

Let's go Dodgers- 100th post!

Wow, this is my 100th post! So my brother got me some great dodger tix, I guess one of the benefits to not working right now, I'm readily available for last minute tickets. We are field level, just feet away from the players. The Dodgers are down by 1, but its only the top of the third... not a bad way to spend a warm Wednesday afternoon! thanks Henry!

Home bound

On our way home. It was a nice get away, but I don't think we will be staying at planet hollywood again. I hate to admit it, but we were too old to be there. You can hear music, even on the 50th floor all night, literally unill at least 4 am. And last night the couple in the room next to us got in a huge fight at 3am! We had to call security. We were told that they were VIP guest. That does not excuse the yelling and throwing things we 3am.

But on a more positive note, last night I spent some time at Starbucks drinking hot tea and reading. I know strange thing to do in Vegas, but I never get alone time to just relax, not having to rush home or wondering what the kids are up to. It was great. All in all a nice change of scenery.

50 floors up!

So, on a whim we thought, the kids are out of school, husband is off off on Friday, let's go to Vegas! So we booked a room at planet hollywood packed up the kids and 4 long hours later, here we are with this awesome room on the 50 th floor! Tomorrow we have to switch rooms, this one only has 1 bed... but it nice and hot here and were looking forward to laying out by the pool!

This is just a chapter

So today was a really hard day for me, no particular reason, I was just tired and emotional and sick. So I decide to end the day with a hot shower. I don't have a large shower, but I haul in the stool the girls use to brush their teeth and take a seat and embrace the hot water, then like I have all weekend, I cry. I think to myself, I'm tired of looking like this, I'm tired of being bald, I'm tired of my sagging boob and 6 inch scar, not to mention the dimples and 2 inch scar over my right breast from my port, I'm tired of smelling metal, and so on and so on I go through this exhausting list, and as I am crying and dry heaving I realize, this is just one chapter of my life, my story does not end here. And all became calm. I picked up my amazing grace body wash and I was ok. I still feel sick and nauseous, but this is only a very short chapter of my life.

I'm sad because I feel so sick. I can't do anything, I can't even play with my girls, or even watch them play. I am weak and nauseous. My stomach is a mess, I have that sinus issue I get every chemo. I was so hoping that it would be better this time, but I feel awful. Hard to compare cycle from cycle, that have all been bad. And this time I really tried to rest. My husband went to go pick up the 11 y/o and I thought I would ne ok watching the girls, but I can't even watch my girls for an hour. I feel sick. Fortunately my brother is coming to pick up the girls, they are kind of running wild right now.

Feeling sick and tired...

And tired of feeling sick and tired.