So it's falling quickly, but I still have a good amount of hair. I don't want to take a shower because I hear the the heat opens your pores and makes the hair fall out faster. I'm afraid to touch my hair. My scalp aches. But as of tonight I still have a good about of hair, tomorrow may be another story...
I'm sad, but I knew it was coming. This morning when combing my hair I was able to remove handfuls of hair. I have been told that this will go on for days before it is noticeable thinner, I guess we'll see. Looks like I may be bald on my birthday. I am sad and terrified.
When my mom was diagnosed I scoured the internet for information and resources. One of the things I found was a website www.franceluxe.com. They sell beautiful scarves and hair accessories and they provide women and children losing hair due to illness with a free scarf. They sent my mom one a year ago, and today I received mine. It's a beautiful silk pink peacock print. The also send a get well card hand signed by everyone in their office.
Please check out their site.
So, I have mentioned before this site that has helped me called her2support.org, well through there I met a women who has been a great support and friend. She is about 8 months ahead of me treatment wise, she just finished her last radiation. She has 3 daughters ages 4, 6, and 9, so you can see where she has been able to provide support. Our cancers are similar, although mine is a bit more aggressive, and likewise our treatments. She too describes her husband as "an ostrich" sticking his head in the sand when he can not deal. And although I so very much appreciate all of the support I receive from family and friends, it kind of nice to have this semi anonymous friend who has walked in my shoes.
And on the note of my fabulous family and friends, I need to acknowledge and recognize my brother and sister-in-law who have taken my girls every friday night since before chemo, my sister who takes off every Wednesday so that my little one can continue with gymboree, my parents who house my the week of chemo, and my husband who took me out to dinner tonight.
And all of my wonderful friends, get you scissors and wine ready because my hair is due to fall out sometime next week...
So today I went shopping. Started off kind of bummed out having to return some things I had bought pre mastectomy, but I figured, oh well I can use some extra money, so I headed out to start my returns. Turns out I had lost my receipt so I could only exchange. I was dreading having to try on anything. But I ended up buying 4 really cute summer dresses (picked out by my girls). Now I'm not big on summer dresses, but they make me feel pretty and girly, and yes I spent a little more money than I should of, but I like my dresses. My girls also got pretty new dresses, and we all got new sandles.
Realized today that I have lost my sense of taste. I had kind of notices yesterday, but thought it was because I had not eaten in a while, but today I confirmed that, not only can I not taste anything, but my tongue and teeth are a little numb. I sucks because I crave food, but I can't taste it.
So yea me I'm feeling good, and I don't like to write a lot about my husband, but it's like talking to a wall. I tried to talk to him about my doctor's appointment and the problems they had trying to get my blood, and literally, as I am talking he starts talking to the kids about something else. I don't think he heard anything I had to say. Now I try not to bombard him with too much information, or really anything negative, but this was good news, it was a good visit, and he ignored what I was saying.
Now I know this is a lot for him, we never thought I would get sick, let alone have cancer. I do better with stress and illness, and sad to say, but we always assumed I would take care of him someday, so I understand that this is more than he ever expected to handle, but he can't just check out. I am stressed all the time, I worry all the time, I think about cancer 95% of my day, and I keep going because I have to. He can a least pretend to listen the few times I try to talk to him about it.
So today I felt good. I had an appetite and energy. And I saw my doctor so that she could check my white blood count, and after 5 hours of trying, long story, my blood count came out really good, which means I am pretty healthy and my body is recovering really well, so, yeah me!
My baby turned three yesterday, and I was too exhausted to blog about it. Even now, I am exhausted, it literally takes all of my strength to get up to go to the bathroom and get back to bed. I am hoping to start regaining some energy soon.
So my baby turned 3 yesterday. We had a small birthday party for her at the house and Cinderella came to visit. She was so happy and excited all day. Thankfully my family and our sitter were there to help because I wouldn't have gotten anything done. My baby was so cute. She picked out this big chocolate cake and did so well with everyone singing. Then later when she opened presents, she was excited with each gift, taking time to comment on each, like "yeah! New princess chonies."
I remember when my 5 year old turned three, the baby had just been born, and I remember thinking this is the last baby year, after this they are big girls. I hope I am able to remember this year and this time. She is my baby, my last baby and wow so they grow up fast.
Our new "therapy" puppy that my dad bought yesterday. He had been looking for a new dog to go with the new house. Yesterday we came across this little guy and fell in love. My mom had insisted no dog, but took one look at him and named him Chuck. He is adapting really well to having all the kids around. He is a yellow lab. I'll try for a better pic, but its hard, he's an active little guy!
