Sunday

I made it through the weekend, kept busy, but I did it. I'm not sure how this next week will go, I had my mastectomy on March 6th of last year, but again in my head it was a Friday, so I don't know of Friday will be a hard day. I am busy though, girl scout cookies came in today, so if you ordered, I'll be busy trying to get your order to you! :)

Saturday

No tears today. I kept very busy, completely reorganization the girl's room, hit up Target for some retail therapy, although I did not buy myself anything :( picked up lots of stuff to help organize the room, a gift for my nephew who turns 3 tomorrow, and a couple of cute things for the girls to wear. Hopefully I go to sleep easily, busy day tomorrow!

Cancer-versary

So, I thought I was ready, I thought I was strong, but I am having a really hard time tonight. Today is my 1 year cancer-anniversary . I am sad and moody, and I cry, and I feel like I am being mean to my girls, and I'm scared, all over again. But in a different way from last year. I find myself crying, uncontrollably sobbing, and I keep reliving that day, I hear it over and over again, "it's cancer", and I mourn the innocence I had, the carefree life of not worrying about the cancer coming back, or worse passing some horrible, mean, unfair gene. I miss just worrying about money and cleaning, now I worry about the regular everyday stuff, plus all the crazy in my head. I miss my breast, I miss my ovaries. I know with time it will get better, I will get better, stronger, but for today and for now, I'm... I don't know...

Thursday...

This is just a strange, difficult week for me. So a year ago today, Thursday I was told I had cancer. And it's weird now, I'm in a good place and I am doing well, but how easily I can close my eyes and go back there. Every second, every feeling, I remember it all like it just happened. I close my eyes and I am a scared 32 year old who has to tell her family that she has breast cancer. I close my eyes and I'm crying so hard that I can't breathe. I remember all of it, what I did, who I told, going out to dinner with my brother and his wife and all the kids, all of us scared, but not talking about it. I remember it all.

A year ago to-day, (not to date) I had my first (and probably last) mammogram. A year ago today, I did not know I had cancer. Everything was still normal a year ago, and today is the last day that I can say that.

My growing hair

So, I hate to admit it, because I've never liked myself with short hair, but it's kind of growing on me. Definitely not a look I would normally "rock" but kind of edgy, not so bad. But like my cousins mentioned, with a cardigan, sends mixed signals, party on top, soccer mom below. Better than being bald!